September 14, 2009

At the risk of sounding whiny, I’ve decided that sharing this is important. With all of the things that have been going on with me in my job situation, it’s been really easy for me to slip into “woe is me” mode. I find myself thinking that I’m not good enough, and that perhaps I misread my calling in life. It’s  a pretty terrible place to be in, and one that I’ve only been in one other time in my life. I’ve had people in my life that have reassured me that this is not the case, what’s happening in my job situation is not because of something I’ve done or not done. What’s happening is inexplicable. What’s happening is not something that anyone fully understands. I’ve done my best to take responsibility for my actions, but I’m learning the difficult lesson that I can’t control what other people think and feel. Thus, my point….

I’ve been going through SHAPE with the young adult ministry at church. We’re discussing our spiritual gifts and the way in which we use them. While I’m recognizing my spiritual gifts within myself, it’s been challenging to truly accept that God has gifted me with something that is worth sharing. One day after work, I was driving home, and I started praying and asking God “are You sure I’m special, are You sure You have a plan?” As if breathing for the first time I was answered with “You are MY masterpiece.” These words poured forth suddenly:

I am fearfully and wonderfully made/Created in Your image/and made to bring You praise/even though I can’t see what You see in me/I am Your masterpiece

Those words have bounced around in my head since that day on the 210. THEN (sorry it’s kind of a long story), on Friday night a wise spiritual leader (my husband) spoke at FUEL. We’ve been going through the book of Matthew, and that particular night he was going over Matthew 23. The chapter is basically Jesus chastising the Pharisees and pointing all of the ways in which they are hypocrites. Paul made the point that there is a difference between an idol and an icon. An idol points to themselves as something to be considered great, an icon points to One that is greater.


That was so profound to me. I was touched with the idea that my purpose is not to feel “proud” of myself, but rather I am created to point to my Lord above all else. When I disparage myself, or give into Satan’s lies that I am not worth it, that I am not good enough, I’m taking away from the Goodness of God. After all, I’m created in His image, and He is perfect. Although I am not perfect in any way, my actions and my attitude should not deflect from The Perfection. In the same way that the Pharisees were considered hypocrites by touting themselves as something other than what they were, I too am considered a hypocrite when I fail to live fully in the Perfection of my Savior.

I have decided that I want to be an icon that points to my Jesus.

Praise God that I am made perfect through the blood of Christ!


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